Why Do I Keep Losing Friends?
LonelinessClarity App
While going through old rough notebooks from school, I saw a few of their last pages filled with my name and my friends’ names written inside a heart shape, and the phrase ‘Friends Forever’ scribbled all over. ‘So childish!’ I first thought but it reminded me of the firm belief I had in the fact that that friendship was forever. I never had a lot of friends, but whatever friends I had, I cherished and love them to the core. But this does not change the fact that we moved apart from each other.
Now, when I see no messages or calls from those people or realize that I do not know much about their current life, I feel a sudden urge to think about what happened and when I lost so many friends. After school, we all moved out of our hometown, exchanged customary messages for some time, didn’t keep in touch thereafter, got so busy that we forgot about each other, and lost our friendship in the labyrinth of new people. Let’s get clarity on this matter:
Growing Up- Growing Apart
I didn’t have any fallout with them. Up until school, we had common things to talk about, the same set of challenges and adventures, and access to each other. But after that, we all were placed in environments different from each other. All of us grew differently. There was less and less to talk about and we lost touch. I resonate with the Dear Zindagi dialogue that, “Losing friends as you grow up is a sign of growing up”.
Having Issues or Fights
With one, I recalled, I fought. Once when I just had a breakup, I needed to talk to a friend and felt hesitant to talk to anyone except this friend of mine who I considered very close at the time. I gathered the courage to call her and she brushed me off, trivialized my sadness, and never called. On another occasion when she was in the same city as I was, I made effort to go meet her but she never reciprocated with warmth. I felt very hurt. After a confrontation and seeing no effort from her side, I distanced myself from her. After a few days, she realized her fault and apologized and I forgave her but I became unable to be the same old as her. I have nothing against her in my heart, it is just that I don’t have anything for her in my heart either. Not feeling the need to even invest in animosity is a form of forgiveness. I still consider it a friendship loss.
Changing Priorities over Time
In the case of some other friends, who I may have ignored intentionally or unintentionally, I admit that I was not the best kind of friend to them on so many occasions. I lost friendships when I had to prioritize differently in life. My career became the prime focus and I did not turn up for my friends many times. With a relationship, I prioritized my partner a bit more than friends. With time, increasing responsibilities focused my attention from friends to family.
Imbalance in Expectations and Reality
If you are someone who is hardly there for people and cries “I thought you’d be there for me” when they do the same to you, you need to reassess your approach towards friendships. Being too clingy or having too many expectations always ruin the best of friendships and people start running away from such people.
You also lose people sometimes because of the lack of healthy boundaries. A friend of mine, for instance, made fun of me on multiple occasions about a deep-rooted insecurity I had. I couldn’t confront her but I avoided meeting her altogether. Now we hardly talk to be able to call each other friends.
What I Learnt…
Friendships require time, effort, and nurturing. It will be too selfish if one has a lot of expectations from their friends and does not fulfill theirs at all. It also requires the desire to continue the friendship. This may mean having tough conversations, apologizing, forgiving, and creating new memories together.
If you feel lonely because you have been losing friends, try and reach out to old friends. Be a good friend to them before expecting them to be the best for you. Having one or two really good friends is better than having a group of people who don’t care about you (quality over quantity!) I have learned that the phrase ‘Friends Forever’ is an unnecessary pressure on us and sometimes losing friendships can be a sign of development and growth.
The Clarity App does not specifically focus on fighting loneliness, but it offers resources and support for individuals who may be experiencing loneliness as a result of their mental health challenges. The app provides a range of features that can help individuals connect with others and reduce feeling of isolation. This app offers a community forum where users can connect with other listeners who experienced similar mental health challenges. You can call or chat over Clarity App anonymously and take advice on your issues.
Why Do I Keep Losing Friends?
Loneliness
While going through old rough notebooks from school, I saw a few of their last pages filled with my name and my friends’ names written inside a heart shape, and the phrase ‘Friends Forever’ scribbled all over. ‘So childish!’ I first thought but it reminded me of the firm belief I had in the fact that that friendship was forever. I never had a lot of friends, but whatever friends I had, I cherished and love them to the core. But this does not change the fact that we moved apart from each other.
Now, when I see no messages or calls from those people or realize that I do not know much about their current life, I feel a sudden urge to think about what happened and when I lost so many friends. After school, we all moved out of our hometown, exchanged customary messages for some time, didn’t keep in touch thereafter, got so busy that we forgot about each other, and lost our friendship in the labyrinth of new people. Let’s get clarity on this matter:
Growing Up- Growing Apart
I didn’t have any fallout with them. Up until school, we had common things to talk about, the same set of challenges and adventures, and access to each other. But after that, we all were placed in environments different from each other. All of us grew differently. There was less and less to talk about and we lost touch. I resonate with the Dear Zindagi dialogue that, “Losing friends as you grow up is a sign of growing up”.
Having Issues or Fights
With one, I recalled, I fought. Once when I just had a breakup, I needed to talk to a friend and felt hesitant to talk to anyone except this friend of mine who I considered very close at the time. I gathered the courage to call her and she brushed me off, trivialized my sadness, and never called. On another occasion when she was in the same city as I was, I made effort to go meet her but she never reciprocated with warmth. I felt very hurt. After a confrontation and seeing no effort from her side, I distanced myself from her. After a few days, she realized her fault and apologized and I forgave her but I became unable to be the same old as her. I have nothing against her in my heart, it is just that I don’t have anything for her in my heart either. Not feeling the need to even invest in animosity is a form of forgiveness. I still consider it a friendship loss.
Changing Priorities over Time
In the case of some other friends, who I may have ignored intentionally or unintentionally, I admit that I was not the best kind of friend to them on so many occasions. I lost friendships when I had to prioritize differently in life. My career became the prime focus and I did not turn up for my friends many times. With a relationship, I prioritized my partner a bit more than friends. With time, increasing responsibilities focused my attention from friends to family.
Imbalance in Expectations and Reality
If you are someone who is hardly there for people and cries “I thought you’d be there for me” when they do the same to you, you need to reassess your approach towards friendships. Being too clingy or having too many expectations always ruin the best of friendships and people start running away from such people.
You also lose people sometimes because of the lack of healthy boundaries. A friend of mine, for instance, made fun of me on multiple occasions about a deep-rooted insecurity I had. I couldn’t confront her but I avoided meeting her altogether. Now we hardly talk to be able to call each other friends.
What I Learnt…
Friendships require time, effort, and nurturing. It will be too selfish if one has a lot of expectations from their friends and does not fulfill theirs at all. It also requires the desire to continue the friendship. This may mean having tough conversations, apologizing, forgiving, and creating new memories together.
If you feel lonely because you have been losing friends, try and reach out to old friends. Be a good friend to them before expecting them to be the best for you. Having one or two really good friends is better than having a group of people who don’t care about you (quality over quantity!) I have learned that the phrase ‘Friends Forever’ is an unnecessary pressure on us and sometimes losing friendships can be a sign of development and growth.
The Clarity App does not specifically focus on fighting loneliness, but it offers resources and support for individuals who may be experiencing loneliness as a result of their mental health challenges. The app provides a range of features that can help individuals connect with others and reduce feeling of isolation. This app offers a community forum where users can connect with other listeners who experienced similar mental health challenges. You can call or chat over Clarity App anonymously and take advice on your issues.
