Is it OKAY or healthy to be friends with your Ex?
BreakupClarity App
My friend, Kritika has the most bizarre ways to find answers to questions. Of late, her ex-boyfriend was her new obsession and she curiously interviewed everyone she could find to discuss the ‘possibilities of having a healthy friendship with an Ex’. Now, I have had that same question for a long, though I never asked anyone. I was content in getting second-hand learnings from Kritika. However, she admitted that she mostly relied on astrology apps and tarot card readings on YouTube (titled “Is this friendship or more?” or “Who is thinking about you right now?”. I thought, she needed to change her sources of reaching conclusions! So we turned to our friend, Simran who has had her fair share of relationship drama; but, she always manages to have a healthy friendship with her ex-boyfriends. So a WhatsApp group chat later, we met at my place to get some clarity. What she said were words of wisdom:
Understanding the simplicity of love but also the complexities of romantic relationship, In Sex and the City, the movie, when Samantha and Smith break up, Carrie Bradshaw says, "Some love stories aren't epic novels. Some are just short stories, but that doesn't make them any less filled with love." If the relationship didn’t last a lifetime, it doesn’t mean there was no love or respect.
Every relationship is very unique- it has its colours, its own set of many beautiful memories and also its flaws. In romantic relationship, especially, a person is most intertwined in the life of their partner. You see each other’s highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, vulnerabilities and insecurities, the bright and dark sides of each other and whatnot. Yet you love. Love is so sacred and a romantic relationship is so intimate that there is bound to be a very deep friendship. With a breakup, a part of you goes away with that person. What hurts the most is the parting of that once-deep and meaningful friendship. Therefore, it is natural to long for it. Thus, the important issue in being friends with an ex is always managing expectations.
Managing Expectations
Knowing boundaries is the sine qua non after a breakup. Are you in your quest to “maintain a healthy friendship with your ex” trying to blur the boundaries that breakup has created between the two of you? If you have the clarity for friendship and your expectations are the same as that of a boyfriend or girlfriend, you will end up getting hurt.
Sexual desires or the need for intimacy, especially with familiar comfort and the taste of nostalgia seem so appealing that people forget boundaries and regret them later. No judgement to any hooking up without strings attached, but if there is so much history attached, without drawing emotional wellness boundaries, there may be bitterness.
Make sure there is no bitterness
In an episode of Sex and the City, the show, Miranda expresses that even if some people can be all "We love-thank you-You enriched my life-Now go prosper” towards their exes, she feels, “we didn’t work out you need to not exist!” towards hers. Now we cannot blame Miranda because she feels that way.
If there is still bitterness in you because the relationship didn’t work, it might show in your conduct towards your ex, and that is not the kind of friendship that works. The reason why you both broke up is also pertinent because if it was something very hurtful, the ghosts of the past will hover over your friendship. You have to be kind and forgive each other for any hurt that they may have caused you and begin anew.
Both must have gratitude for whatever relationship was once cherished and also acknowledge that hurt and suffering may have been caused during the breakup. For that, one must have clarity, that “both”, I repeat “both” have moved on in their lives.
You have moved on
It must not affect who they are dating, or they must not negatively react to who you are seeing. This is essential, especially, when the relationship was very serious and the healing from the breakup is very difficult. It is a herculean task to move on in the case of some people and those circumstances, one must protect themselves from any relapses.
What if even their sight is discomforting?
Then, please don’t pretend to be all mature and understanding and disconnect from your ex. You would know if it is discomforting and it will bother your mental health. Just let it go for good!
Efforts should be both ways
Remember, the efforts of being friends should be made both ways. If only one of you is bent on maintaining a friendship and the other one is not- because of whatever reason, (they still have feeling for you or they are uncomfortable with the idea of being around an ex), it is not the best idea to even try. Friendships are not forced or pretended. They must be organic, effortless and non-toxic. Make sure you have taken time off them and now are detached from the relationship you both once shared. You need to respect each other’s boundaries and get over hard feeling. Compassion and trust should still be felt.
You do you!!
Kritika and I got to understand that it’s okay and healthy to be friends with an Ex only if it does not affect one’s mental health. And if it does, one does not have to pretend and should cut ties for convenience’s sake. In the end, you do you!
Simran also told us about this app called clarity. Clarity App was able to provide her with the support and guidance she needed during this difficult time in her life. The app's trained professionals can be an excellent resource for people who are struggling with various emotional wellness or psychological challenges, including relationship issues and depression.
Is it OKAY or healthy to be friends with your Ex?
Breakup
My friend, Kritika has the most bizarre ways to find answers to questions. Of late, her ex-boyfriend was her new obsession and she curiously interviewed everyone she could find to discuss the ‘possibilities of having a healthy friendship with an Ex’. Now, I have had that same question for a long, though I never asked anyone. I was content in getting second-hand learnings from Kritika. However, she admitted that she mostly relied on astrology apps and tarot card readings on YouTube (titled “Is this friendship or more?” or “Who is thinking about you right now?”. I thought, she needed to change her sources of reaching conclusions! So we turned to our friend, Simran who has had her fair share of relationship drama; but, she always manages to have a healthy friendship with her ex-boyfriends. So a WhatsApp group chat later, we met at my place to get some clarity. What she said were words of wisdom:
Understanding the simplicity of love but also the complexities of romantic relationship, In Sex and the City, the movie, when Samantha and Smith break up, Carrie Bradshaw says, "Some love stories aren't epic novels. Some are just short stories, but that doesn't make them any less filled with love." If the relationship didn’t last a lifetime, it doesn’t mean there was no love or respect.
Every relationship is very unique- it has its colours, its own set of many beautiful memories and also its flaws. In romantic relationship, especially, a person is most intertwined in the life of their partner. You see each other’s highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, vulnerabilities and insecurities, the bright and dark sides of each other and whatnot. Yet you love. Love is so sacred and a romantic relationship is so intimate that there is bound to be a very deep friendship. With a breakup, a part of you goes away with that person. What hurts the most is the parting of that once-deep and meaningful friendship. Therefore, it is natural to long for it. Thus, the important issue in being friends with an ex is always managing expectations.
Managing Expectations
Knowing boundaries is the sine qua non after a breakup. Are you in your quest to “maintain a healthy friendship with your ex” trying to blur the boundaries that breakup has created between the two of you? If you have the clarity for friendship and your expectations are the same as that of a boyfriend or girlfriend, you will end up getting hurt.
Sexual desires or the need for intimacy, especially with familiar comfort and the taste of nostalgia seem so appealing that people forget boundaries and regret them later. No judgement to any hooking up without strings attached, but if there is so much history attached, without drawing emotional wellness boundaries, there may be bitterness.
Make sure there is no bitterness
In an episode of Sex and the City, the show, Miranda expresses that even if some people can be all "We love-thank you-You enriched my life-Now go prosper” towards their exes, she feels, “we didn’t work out you need to not exist!” towards hers. Now we cannot blame Miranda because she feels that way.
If there is still bitterness in you because the relationship didn’t work, it might show in your conduct towards your ex, and that is not the kind of friendship that works. The reason why you both broke up is also pertinent because if it was something very hurtful, the ghosts of the past will hover over your friendship. You have to be kind and forgive each other for any hurt that they may have caused you and begin anew.
Both must have gratitude for whatever relationship was once cherished and also acknowledge that hurt and suffering may have been caused during the breakup. For that, one must have clarity, that “both”, I repeat “both” have moved on in their lives.
You have moved on
It must not affect who they are dating, or they must not negatively react to who you are seeing. This is essential, especially, when the relationship was very serious and the healing from the breakup is very difficult. It is a herculean task to move on in the case of some people and those circumstances, one must protect themselves from any relapses.
What if even their sight is discomforting?
Then, please don’t pretend to be all mature and understanding and disconnect from your ex. You would know if it is discomforting and it will bother your mental health. Just let it go for good!
Efforts should be both ways
Remember, the efforts of being friends should be made both ways. If only one of you is bent on maintaining a friendship and the other one is not- because of whatever reason, (they still have feeling for you or they are uncomfortable with the idea of being around an ex), it is not the best idea to even try. Friendships are not forced or pretended. They must be organic, effortless and non-toxic. Make sure you have taken time off them and now are detached from the relationship you both once shared. You need to respect each other’s boundaries and get over hard feeling. Compassion and trust should still be felt.
You do you!!
Kritika and I got to understand that it’s okay and healthy to be friends with an Ex only if it does not affect one’s mental health. And if it does, one does not have to pretend and should cut ties for convenience’s sake. In the end, you do you!
Simran also told us about this app called clarity. Clarity App was able to provide her with the support and guidance she needed during this difficult time in her life. The app's trained professionals can be an excellent resource for people who are struggling with various emotional wellness or psychological challenges, including relationship issues and depression.
